On Processing Criticism

I grew up in a very loving home where my mother and father supported, pushed just enough and were my biggest cheerleaders. My grandparents were equally supportive as were most of the adults in my life. As I child, I don't remember many incidents where I felt attacked by a critical remark.

When I use the word criticism, I don't mean gentle suggestions or kind pushes toward a better path. I am speaking of judgemental remarks that although may contain a nugget of truth, contain nastiness or bitterness. These comments are intended to belittle, not to uplift and encourage.

I was introduced into the world of criticism when I hit high school sports. I had a few coaches (as we all do, in life) who felt it necessary to use criticism as a means of motivation. Unfortunately, I was unable to process this type of remark (could it have been a result of my lack of experience?) and the motivational factor was completely lost on me. In fact, the games when I received a critical motivating comment, were the games that I completely bombed. I processed the comment repeatedly, unable to focus on anything else. It took me weeks to overcome such an exchange. It was awful.

Yet, with more age and experience, I am able to better understand and process criticism. I think that becoming a designer has helped immensely with that. I also think that blogging has helped. Putting myself out in public has been a great learning experience. Yes, I've been hurt. I've been criticized. I've even failed. I've been told that I'm not good enough. But, each time, I've dusted off my pants and gotten right back on the horse. And each time, I've learned a lot.

Now, when I receive criticism, I ask myself...

Is there an element of truth in this remark?

If I decide that there isn't, I try not to let it poison my spirit. It isn't easy, but it is possible. I refuse to own the statement. I refuse to let it into my life. As Eleanor Roosevelt stated so wisely,  

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

If I decide that there is an element of truth, I try to separate the hurtfulness of the comment from that truth and use the truth to my advantage. To improve myself.

And sometimes when I'm in a really good mood, I am able to giggle about it. For example, last week I received a comment on one of my videos that critiqued my speech patterns. In fact, this viewer was so bothered by my speech that she actually suffered cranial damage by watching one of my videos! Poor woman!

At first, I was horrified. How could I possibly do another video? Did every viewer suffer such damage? Was I doing the world a disservice by producing amateur craft videos? After the initial shock, I agreed with her assessment. My speech patterns do need to be improved upon. I hadn't realized how many times I use filler sounds like "ahhh" or "ummm" to gather my thoughts. Yet, the very idea of my video causing this sensitive individual damage made me laugh out loud. I considered emailing her and asking her if I could please send her a few Tylenols for her pain. I also considered including a warning on each video that one should either take medicine before viewing or have some available post-view in order to avoid the painful aftereffects.

So...please consider this a warning...watching my videos may cause head trauma in certain sensitive individuals. Please take all necessary precautions. (giggle...)

And remember, when you are the recipient of a critical remark, (because we all are) this quote by Theodore Roosevelt...

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

 

Here's to putting yourself out there...may we all know the great enthusiasm and in the end triumph of high achievement.