I think that I'm kinda in a midlife re-centering. I'm not sure exactly what brought it on. It isn't like I focus a lot on my age. In fact, sometimes I have to think about it when someone asks me. Yet, lately, I've been evaluating myself more than usual. It is like I'm rediscovering me: what I enjoy...what I don't...
I'm amazed by all the things that I've forced myself to do over the years simply because I thought that I was supposed to. Things that I thought would make me a better mother, wife, daughter, sister if I did them. Things that I don't enjoy at all. Things that aren't me. For example, I don't really enjoy cooking. Yes, I do it because my family likes to eat, (darn them!) but I've felt guilty for years because I'm not the woman who always has cookies coming out of the oven or fresh muffins for breakfast. I don't volunteer to make meals for people very often. My kids make their own lunches. Get their own snacks. (Horror!) I've tried to like it. I've tried to make hot breakfasts each morning. I've tried to make myself into Betty Crocker, but my feet are too wide for her shoes. They give me blisters. However, I'm pretty good at teaching. I like to answer interesting science questions and to do experiments. (Bring on that toy volcano!) I like to fiddle around in the garden. (Giant pumpkins, anyone?) I like to take pictures. I like to read.
I'm finally learning that it's okay to let the cooking slide a little: buy the muffin mix instead of making everything from scratch (even though it probably would be much healthier and more economical) so that I have the mental energy to chat about the ocean floor for 20 minutes with a 5 year-old. Or plant a garden with a 9 year-old. Or read a book. Or take an impromptu picture of a double rainbow. Yeah, that's much more me-like.
"The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the complete person you were intended to be. I believe you can only do this when you stop long enough to hear the whisper you might have drowned out, that small voice compelling you toward the kind of work you'd be willing to do even if you weren't paid. And what you do once you turn down the noise of your life and hear that call? You face the biggest challenge of all: to have the courage to seek your big dream regardless of what anyone else says or thinks. You are the only person alive who can see your big picture -- and even you can't see it all." --Oprah Winfrey
I'm learning to listen to that whisper.
Learning to let the guilt go.
Gathering my courage.
Just to be me.
I'm amazed by all the things that I've forced myself to do over the years simply because I thought that I was supposed to. Things that I thought would make me a better mother, wife, daughter, sister if I did them. Things that I don't enjoy at all. Things that aren't me. For example, I don't really enjoy cooking. Yes, I do it because my family likes to eat, (darn them!) but I've felt guilty for years because I'm not the woman who always has cookies coming out of the oven or fresh muffins for breakfast. I don't volunteer to make meals for people very often. My kids make their own lunches. Get their own snacks. (Horror!) I've tried to like it. I've tried to make hot breakfasts each morning. I've tried to make myself into Betty Crocker, but my feet are too wide for her shoes. They give me blisters. However, I'm pretty good at teaching. I like to answer interesting science questions and to do experiments. (Bring on that toy volcano!) I like to fiddle around in the garden. (Giant pumpkins, anyone?) I like to take pictures. I like to read.
I'm finally learning that it's okay to let the cooking slide a little: buy the muffin mix instead of making everything from scratch (even though it probably would be much healthier and more economical) so that I have the mental energy to chat about the ocean floor for 20 minutes with a 5 year-old. Or plant a garden with a 9 year-old. Or read a book. Or take an impromptu picture of a double rainbow. Yeah, that's much more me-like.
"The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the complete person you were intended to be. I believe you can only do this when you stop long enough to hear the whisper you might have drowned out, that small voice compelling you toward the kind of work you'd be willing to do even if you weren't paid. And what you do once you turn down the noise of your life and hear that call? You face the biggest challenge of all: to have the courage to seek your big dream regardless of what anyone else says or thinks. You are the only person alive who can see your big picture -- and even you can't see it all." --Oprah Winfrey
I'm learning to listen to that whisper.
Learning to let the guilt go.
Gathering my courage.
Just to be me.
4 comments:
You are an amazing person, Beth! I have spent the last year and a half taking this journey and really feel like I went through an identity crisis that I'm just now coming out of...
It feels so *good* to be the person God created me to be! I wish it wasn't so hard for me to remember that.
Thanks for your constant inspiring example! :)
Well... I for one can say that I know you are an amazing woman and teacher... even if you don't like to cook! LOL!! :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)
I will trade cookies for more CRAFTY lessons!;) We all have such different talents and gifts so that we can enrich EACHOTHER! I am sure your family doesn't really care all that much about the way you cooked- just the way you love!
LOVED YOUR OPRAH QUOTE!!!! And its hilarious that today Cindra posted that she couldn't find your cooking pot that you gave her! I think you knew early on-cooking just wasn't your THANG!!
Love ya! And I am serious..I will send Chocolate chip goodness any time !
I love this post. So honest and sweet. I'm not a cooking mom either, but I am complete mother, and we all live!
I just got my new Somerset Memories. I LOVE your little mini album. It is ADORABLE!!!
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